Why Am I Clingy? 9 Signs of Neediness in Relationships & How To Change
Ever wonder if you were too needy in relationships? Has it affected your ability to make relationships work? Does it stop you from maintaining positive relationships with good people? Maybe, you are on the other end and have or are dating someone who you care about but feel is too needy?
Dr. Alduan Tartt discusses the nine signs you might be to clingy in relationships based on a fascinating article by Julie Nguyen: Clinginess In Relationships
Specifically, Dr. Tartt summaries nine characteristics of partners who are too dependent on others and the warning sings of clinginess and neediness within relationships.
Here is a quick summary of the nine characteristics of clinginess in relationships:
1. Demanding reassurance again and again- Do you struggle with self-esteem and need your partner to validate you constantly?
2. Expecting constant communication and interaction- Does distance raise your anxiety level so you ask your partner to check in despite their objection?
3. Hypervigilance and surveillance- Are you often on alarm for something bad happening and use sleuthing through phones, tracking devices, spying, etc. as a tactic to calm your paranoia?
4. Struggle to communicate needs- Are you are aware that you feelings matter equally in a relationship but struggle to voice them for fear of rejection and abandonment?
5. Complete awareness of your partner's moods at the cost of your own- Do you have a pattern of muting your own emotions to cater to the needs of your partner?
6. Reluctance to give space- Does normal space (time away for brief periods) evoke fears of abandonment and replacement so much that you fight against healthy distance within a relationship?
7. Insecurity about the people in their life- Do you question the people in your partner's life to the point where you frustrate your partner's ability to have relationships (healthy) outside of the relationship?
8.Controlling mannerisms- Do you allow your partner to have their own thoughts, feelings and life without trying to manipulate or control them to match yours?
9. A partner's withdrawal- Are you able to read your partner's clues that he/she needs some healthy space as a good sign for the relationship without pressing in and suffocating your partner?
Four ways to address clinginess:
1. Learn to manage your anxiety on your own- It's important to allow two healthy partners to drive a relationship versus unhealthy forms of anxiety. Eliminate anxiety as the driver and you'll enjoy more relationship success.
2. Include your partner in the process- Be open about your issues. We all have them. Allow your partner to give feedback so you can adjust to save and change the relationship for the better.
3. Take small risks to build trust- The best way to stop being too clingy is to self-development by taking small adventures or risks to improve your self-confidence. Self-confidence grows when you practice doing healthy things for your yourself versus retreating to maladaptive coping patterns.
4. Work with a therapist- Everyone grows with wise counsel. See Proverbs 15:22. Great counseling helps you to grow tremendously. You owe it to yourself. Think about how great you will feel when you have the power to enter and sustain healthy, romantic relationships that lead to lifetime marriage.