How To Stop Feeling Like Roommates: Three Things You Should Do Right Now

Dr. Tartt describes how married couples can move out of the roommate zone and restore intimacy.

Reignite Your Connection: How to Stop Feeling Like Roommates in Your Marriage

Is your marriage feeling more like a roommate situation than a partnership? Discover research-backed strategies to rebuild emotional intimacy, express gratitude, and strengthen physical connection. Reignite the spark in your marriage today.

Does your marriage feel more like a roommate situation than a loving partnership? You’re not alone. Many couples lose emotional intimacy over time, leaving them feeling disconnected and distant. But the good news is that even small, consistent efforts can transform your marriage, rebuild closeness, and reignite the spark.

Research from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Carol Rusbelt shows that emotional intimacy is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction. Couples who stay emotionally connected experience:

• Higher trust

• Better conflict resolution

• Reduced stress

• Greater overall satisfaction

  
  

Without intentional effort, emotional closeness can fade, leaving partners feeling like roommates rather than romantic partners.

1. Emotional Support and Intimacy

Why it matters:Daily emotional check-ins are strongly linked to marital satisfaction. Emotional attunement—the ability to recognize and respond to your spouse’s feelings—predicts long-term marital happiness.

Action Step: Spend 5–10 minutes each day connecting emotionally. Ask open-ended questions such as:

• "What was the best part of your day?"

• "What’s been stressing you out lately that I can help with?"

• "What’s something that made you smile today?"

• 
  

Psychological Benefit:Even short, consistent conversations signal that your partner’s feelings matter, fostering emotional safety and trust.

Scripture:"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

2. Appreciating Each Other’s Efforts

Why it matters: Expressing gratitude in marriage strengthens emotional bonds, reduces resentment, and increases relationship resilience. Couples who regularly acknowledge each other’s contributions report higher marital satisfaction.

Action Step:

• Verbally acknowledge daily efforts: "Thank you for making dinner; it really lifted my spirits."

• Send a quick text of appreciation: "I noticed how you handled that situation with the kids today—amazing job!"

Psychological Benefit:Gratitude reinforces the perception that your spouse cares and contributes to the relationship, enhancing emotional closeness.

Scripture:"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

3. Physical Affection and Connection

Why it matters: Non-sexual touch—holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or sitting close—releases oxytocin, a hormone linked to bonding, trust, and stress reduction. Couples who maintain affectionate touch report higher satisfaction, reduced conflict, and stronger emotional intimacy.

Action Step:

• Greet your spouse with a hug every morning.

• Hold hands during walks or errands.

• Sit close together during conversations or movie nights.

• 
  

Sample Dialogue:

• Partner 1: "I want to make sure we stay connected, so let’s have 10 minutes tonight just to talk and hold hands—no phones, no distractions."

• Partner 2: "I love that idea! That little time means so much to me."

• 
  

Scripture:"Let your love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." – Romans 12:9

Common Mistake to Avoid

Many couples assume emotional intimacy will naturally persist over time. Without intentional effort, even happy marriages can slip into routine and emotional distance.

Behavioral Shift:Commit to daily small acts that reinforce emotional and physical closeness. Just 5–10 minutes per day of intentional connection can dramatically improve your relationship over time.

Strong Close

Rebuilding emotional intimacy is key to transforming your relationship from roommates back into partners. By investing in emotional check-ins, expressing gratitude, and practicing daily affectionate touch, you can reignite your marriage and strengthen your bond.

Call-to-Action:For more tools, exercises, and strategies to strengthen your marriage, visit www.betterhusbandbetterwife.com. Start transforming your relationship today!