Top 4 Traits Women Should Look For When Choosing a Husband
- Dr. Alduan Tartt
- Oct 3
- 4 min read
4 Qualities That Make a Man Husband Material (And How to Measure Them)
Finding a partner who is truly “husband material” goes far beyond chemistry, status, or style. What separates a man who’s ready for love from one who’s just passing time is rooted in qualities of character and relationship maturity. As both a psychologist and minister, I’ve seen firsthand that the men who thrive in marriage consistently demonstrate four traits: Emotional Intelligence, Consistency, Selflessness, and Influenceability.
Let’s dive in—with the Word and with wisdom.
1. Emotional Intelligence: The Language of Love
A man who is emotionally intelligent doesn’t just hear you—he understands you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions while responding to a partner’s feelings with empathy.
For Men: Ask yourself: Do I listen to understand, or do I listen to defend? Can I calm myself down when I feel attacked, and still lean in with love? Your ability to regulate emotions and show empathy is the foundation of trust and intimacy.
For Women: Watch how he handles pressure. If every disagreement turns into blame, withdrawal, or shutting down, that’s a red flag. But if he can sit with your emotions—even when he doesn’t fully agree—that’s emotional intelligence at work.
Scripture: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19
Practical Example: Imagine a couple arguing about finances. Instead of shutting down or yelling, the emotionally intelligent husband says, “I hear you’re stressed. Let’s sit down together and create a budget we can both live with.” That response diffuses tension and builds trust.
Dr. Tartt Insight: Emotional intelligence is what transforms arguments into deeper connection. It’s not about avoiding conflict—it’s about handling conflict with care.
2. Consistency & Reliability: Love Made Predictable
Consistency is love in motion. It’s the steady follow-through that turns words into trust. Reliability isn’t glamorous, but it’s what separates a relationship that survives from one that thrives.
For Men: Do your words and actions align? If you say you’ll be somewhere, do you show up? If you promise support, do you follow through? Reliability is about being the same man on Tuesday as you are on Sunday.
For Women: Pay more attention to patterns than promises. A man’s reliability is proven in small, everyday commitments—returning a call, keeping plans, being emotionally steady. If he’s inconsistent in the little things, marriage won’t magically make him reliable.
Scripture: “Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no.” – Matthew 5:37
Practical Example: If he says, “I’ll call you after work,” and does so consistently, that reliability builds trust. But if he makes excuses and disappears often, that pattern will only deepen in marriage.
Dr. Tartt Insight: Consistency is the safety net of love. Without it, romance feels unstable. With it, you can build a life together.
3. Selflessness & Servant-Heartedness: Love in Action
A selfless man understands that love is not just about what he receives but also about what he gives. Servant-heartedness is not weakness—it’s strength rooted in respect and care.
For Men: Ask yourself: Do I look for ways to make her life lighter? It could be as small as handling a chore without being asked, or as big as supporting her dreams as if they were your own. The point is to make service a reflex, not a rare gesture.
For Women: Don’t overlook the man who quietly serves. He may not always be flashy, but if he consistently puts love into action—through protection, encouragement, and sacrifice—you’re seeing the makings of a strong husband.
Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25
Practical Example: A wife is exhausted after a long day. Instead of waiting to be asked, her husband starts dinner and takes care of the kids. That’s servant-hearted love in action.
Dr. Tartt Insight: True leadership in love doesn’t look like control—it looks like service. Great men don’t dominate their households, they lift them.
4. Influenceability: The Hidden Green Flag
This quality is often overlooked, but it might be the most important. Influenceability is the willingness to be shaped, challenged, and inspired by your partner. A man who is influenceable doesn’t see compromise as weakness—he sees it as wisdom.
For Men: Ask yourself: Can I take feedback without shutting down? Am I open to being influenced not only by my partner, but also by mentors, faith, and growth opportunities? A man who cannot be influenced cannot evolve.
For Women: Watch how he responds to correction. Does he double down in pride, or does he pause, reflect, and adjust? Influenceability reveals whether he can grow into the husband God designed him to be.
Scripture: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22
Practical Example: A wife suggests, “Let’s pray before making this financial decision.” An influenceable husband doesn’t dismiss her—he agrees, showing humility and openness to her wisdom.
Dr. Tartt Insight: Influenceability is the humility that makes growth possible. It ensures a relationship doesn’t stay stuck—but keeps moving forward.
The Bottom Line
Being husband material is not about perfection—it’s about progression.
Men: These four qualities are your measuring stick. Don’t just ask if you’re ready for marriage—ask if you’re reliable, emotionally intelligent, servant-hearted, and humble enough to be influenced.
Women: These four qualities are your filter. If they’re missing, don’t make excuses. Choosing the right man is not just about love—it’s about legacy.
Because at the end of the day, real husband material is not found in promises—it’s found in patterns.
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