We Need Stronger Men To Date The Most Talented Version of Black Women Ever
- Dr. Alduan Tartt
- 10 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Three Changes Men Who Are Worth Your Time Make for Today’s Woman
If you’re a Black woman winning in life—degrees, career, business, healing, faith—then you already know this:
You didn’t do all this work just to come home to a man who’s intimidated by you. Most women in our community aren’t asking for perfection. You’re asking for partnership. You want a man who can pray with you, grow with you, support you, and not shrink or get jealous when you shine. I created a blueprint for you here but read on.
The good news? There are men who can do this. And when they’re serious about loving a strong, talented woman—especially a Black woman who’s had to be strong in a world that doesn’t always protect her—they make very specific changes.
Here are three of them.
1. He Redefines Strength: From Control to Contribution
A lot of men were raised on a version of masculinity that says, “I’m the man, so I have to control everything. I have to make all the money. I have to be on top.”
But that model breaks down when he meets a woman who already has vision, education, influence, and her own money. If he doesn’t grow, he either becomes controlling, competitive, or quietly resentful.
A man who’s worth your time does something different: he redefines strength.
He’s not threatened by a strong woman
The Bible has already shown us a strong, high-capacity woman:
“Her children arise and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her.”— Proverbs 31:28
In Proverbs 31, she buys fields, runs business, manages her home, and walks in wisdom. Notice what her husband does: he praises her. He’s not asking her to “tone it down” or “be less.”
A man who is worth your time understands this. He sees your gifts as a blessing, not a threat.
He leads with sacrifice, not ego
Ephesians 5:25 gives men a clear job description:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
That’s not about bossing you around—that’s about sacrificial leadership. A mature man asks, “How can I serve, protect, and cover this woman emotionally, spiritually, and practically?”
Strength becomes less about controlling you and more about contributing to your peace, your purpose, and your growth.
What this looks like in real life
Men who are worth your time:
Take responsibility instead of making excuses
Ask, “What can I take off your plate this week?”
Support your dreams instead of secretly competing
Celebrate your wins in public, not just tolerate them in private
They don’t feel smaller because you’re shining. They feel honored to stand beside you.
2. He Upgrades His Emotional Intelligence
A lot of women, especially Black women, have had to be “strong” for so long that emotional safety is not a luxury—it’s a requirement.
You don’t just need a man who looks good on paper. You need a man who knows how to show up emotionally.
The Bible is very clear that emotional intelligence is not “soft”—it’s spiritual maturity.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”— James 1:19
“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”— Proverbs 16:32
According to scripture, the man who can manage his emotions is actually stronger than the man who can conquer a city.
He listens to understand, not just to respond
Many women feel like they can’t be vulnerable because every time they open up, they get shut down:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It’s not that deep.”
“Here you go again.”
A man who is worth your time does the opposite. He leans in.
He does what 1 Peter 3:7 commands:
“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…”
Understanding requires listening, curiosity, and empathy—not dismissing your feelings because they make him uncomfortable.
What this looks like in real life
Emotionally intelligent men:
Ask, “What part of today hit you the hardest?” instead of “Why are you trippin’?”
Let you finish your thought before jumping in with solutions
Stay calm instead of shutting down, yelling, or disappearing
Are willing to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. How can I make this right?”
This is not weakness. This is what the Bible calls the fruit of the Spirit—love, patience, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
For a Black woman who’s fighting battles at work, in the culture, and sometimes even in her own family, an emotionally present man is not optional—it’s healing.
3. He Embraces Partnership, Not Power Struggles
The strongest relationships today are not built on “I’m the boss and you follow.” They are built on partnership—two people bringing their full selves to the table and building together.
From the very beginning, partnership was God’s idea:
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”— Genesis 2:18
That word “helper” is not a weak term; it’s also used of God helping His people. It means strong support, not “assistant.”
He sees you as a teammate, not a rival
Ephesians 5:21 says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Mutual submission means both of you are willing to serve the relationship and honor each other, instead of pulling for power.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 adds:
“Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
A man who is worth your time understands that when you win, the family wins. He’s not trying to compete with you—he’s trying to build with you.
He’s willing to share roles based on strengths, not stereotypes
In a real partnership:
If she’s stronger with finances, she may lead the money conversations.
If he’s stronger spiritually, he may lead the family in prayer and direction.
If she’s a visionary and he’s great at executing, they respect both roles.
Philippians 2:3–4 describes it this way:
“…in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
The man who is worth your time is willing to ask, “What are your goals? How can I support you?” and then share his own. You move as co-leaders, not opponents.
Final Word: You Are Not Asking for Too Much
If you’re a Black woman who has had to carry more than most—emotionally, financially, spiritually—it can be tempting to lower the bar and say, “Maybe I am asking for too much.”
You’re not.
You’re asking for a man who:
Redefines strength from control to contribution
Upgrades his emotional intelligence so you feel seen and safe
Embraces partnership, not power struggles
Men who are worth your time may not be perfect, but they are willing to grow. They are open to God, open to feedback, and open to becoming better men for the women they love.
And if you’re a man reading this?
This isn’t an attack—it’s an invitation.
In a world where women, especially Black women, are rising in every area of life, the question isn’t, “Can you still be a man?”
The real question is:
Are you willing to evolve into the kind of man who can walk beside her, not behind her or on top of her?
That’s what men who are truly worth her time are doing.
I created a three point blueprint for you to have and share for better relationships and marriages here.
