How To Resolve Relationship Conflict With These Three Skills

Dr. Alduan Tartt reveals three methods for resolving relationship conflict for couples.

New Communication Habits That Bring More Peace and Less Drama in Relationships

Most relationships don’t fall apart because of a lack of love. They fall apart because of how couples talk to each other. A small comment turns into a fight, a misunderstanding turns into silence, and a moment of stress leaves emotional damage that lingers. The issue usually isn’t what you’re talking about — it’s how you’re talking.

If you want deeper, structured help with conflict using the same methods I use in couples counseling, take a look at Fight Fair: Stop Having the Same Fight—A Proven System to Break the Argument Cycle and Turn Conflict Into Connection. It’s designed to help you protect emotional safety while resolving real issues.

The first communication shift is to slow your reaction before you respond. When we feel hurt or disrespected, we tend to raise our voices, interrupt, or say things we regret. That erodes trust. Instead, pause and say, “I need a moment so I don’t say something I’ll regret.

Can we pause and come back to this?” As James 1:19 teaches, we should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Slowing down protects the relationship from unnecessary damage.

The second shift is to say what you need instead of expecting mind-reading. Unspoken expectations turn into resentment. Healthy relationships are built on clarity, not guessing. Try: “When you ____, I feel ____, and I really need ____.” For example, “When you come home and go straight to your phone, I feel ignored. I really need a few minutes of connection so I know we’re good.” This is what Ephesians 4:15 calls “speaking the truth in love.”

The third shift is to protect the relationship instead of trying to win the argument. When conflict hits, many couples slide into scorekeeping and “you always / you never” language. The goal becomes being right instead of being loving. Shift to “us versus the problem” by asking, “How can we solve this together instead of attacking each other?” Romans 12:18 reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

This year, don’t just pray for better communication — practice it. When you slow down, clearly express needs, and fight for the relationship instead of the win, you create less chaos and more peace. New year, new love habits. And if you’re ready for a proven, step-by-step approach to changing how you handle conflict, Fight Fair can walk you through the process.