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Avoiding Valentine's Day Mistakes: Why Valentine's Day Is Good For Your Relationship or Marriage

Looking for a little Valentine's Day advice?

Look no further because I have some tips for using Valentine's Day to improve your sense of connection and emotional intimacy on Love Day. First, let me address the negativity that small percentage of the population has towards Valentine's Day. Here are some common reasons I hear for not celebrating Valentine's Day:

1) "You don't need a holiday to show your love to your partner. You should do that every day."

2) "You shouldn't celebrate a man-made holiday that is commercial and driven to make money."

3) "You shouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day because it is a pagan holiday."

4) "It's Covid, so we cannot celebrate this year."

One of the worst mistakes you can make is to buy in to this type of thinking, if you want a healthy relationship. However, let me very clearly state that many couples do not go over the top for Valentine's Day but do show special appreciation to their lover. I am not addressing these couples.

I am, however, addressing couples where there is one party who has an unnecessary negative attitude towards Valentine's Day while the other does not. Let's call them mismatch valentines lol. Let's take each reason and address it briefly.

Don't need a holiday

1) Do you really show your spouse (especially your wife or girlfriend) Valentine's Day type of attention multiple times during the year? Do you have enough stored in the romantic date category to skip honoring your spouse on Valentine's Day? I need you to be honest and check with your spouse or partner and make sure.

Man-made holiday

2) Do you really want to ignore a day to celebrate love because it is commercial? Shouldn't the focus be on making your partner feel special by setting aside time to honor him/her and your relationship or marriage? In fact, shouldn't you thank Valentine's Day for cueing you to celebrate the one you love since it enhances love?

Pagan holiday

3) I am a licensed minister, and I love Valentine's Day and God. When is God ever against love? When is God ever against a couple showing love towards one another?

Doesn't Proverbs 16:24 read: "Pleasant words (and acts) are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."

So, let's honor the spirit of God and intentionally celebrate our spouses and partners (children and parents too) on Valentine's Day because who doesn't need more love?


4) Unfortunately, none of us know how long Covid will remain. However, we do know that we want our relationships and marriages to thrive. So, be creative and find ways to celebrate love right now that really makes your partner feel special.

We just had a newborn (one month old), so I am bringing a private chef to the house to prepare a romantic five-course meal for us while big sister and auntie watch the little ones on another level of the house lol. Listen, we need the quality time, and I am excited that Valentine's Day afforded the time, opportunity and spirit of love to make this happen.

On a deeper level, did you know that Valentine's Day is not just a tradition but is actually good for your relationship? First, let's be clear that your spouse/partner must show up on Valentine's Day for this to be relevant. If you are dating someone who ghosts you or works late on Valentine's Day, you are in trouble.

However, for functional couples who are in love, here are three things you should discuss to improve your emotional intimacy on Valentine's Day.

1) Celebrate accomplishments and wins individually and as a couple. Discuss what you have done well this year and celebrate your partner with enthusiasm. Why? Celebrations of triumph are the number one way to boost relational happiness per the research.

2) Verbalize appreciation to your spouse for what they have done to support you, the family, etc. We all need to hear it to feel seen, heard and validated. In fact, make it a part of your relationship or marital culture to do that daily. "I appreciate you taking the kids to school every morning."

3) Express thanksgiving to your spouse by telling them instances where their behavior showed they were invested in the relationship, and it really meant a lot to you.

For example:

"You held things down while I was sick with Covid and the house didn't miss a beat."

"You made sure that I was doing fine when I was anxious, and I appreciate you staying up and researching anxiety treatment and supplements I could take and getting them for me."

"You make love to me even when you are tired from a long day and never lose enthusiasm and are open to new things."

See, how that feels to hear, and who doesn't need more of it?

So, there you have it. Valentine's Day is a wonderful day to show the husband, wife, or partner in your life how much you care for them. Make emotional deposits into your love bank account by telling your lover just how much you celebrate, appreciate and are grateful for them. Isn't that a whole lot better than doing...nothing?

I thought so. Happy Valentine's Day!

So, use Valentine's Day to enhance your love, connection, fun and emotional intimacy with one another annually and then make a habit out of it.


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