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Here Are 5 Tips To Improve Relationship: 5 Ways To Rekindle The Spark

There will be times in your relationship where you will absolutely need to reignite the spark in your relationship! As a matter of fact, I would say almost every relationship will experience this because it is human nature to relax and become comfortable with status quo without intervention.

Here are 5 tips to improve relationship by rekindling the spark:

1) Remember and Re-experience- Rediscover the good times in your relationship by looking at old photos and memories to invoke the "good times" of your relationship and marriage. This is a psychological strategy for overcoming NSO (negative sentiment override) that makes your relationship feel as if it was never happy in the first place. Negativity actually affects the accuracy of our memories and must be dealt with as quickly as possible.

2) Listen Attentively- When your partner opens us about how they feel and what they need, can you listen well enough to feel what they are saying? More than we disire to be right, we want our partners to "feel" us. There is no way to do this unless you are able to really "tune in" to your partner's wants, desires and needs on an ongoing basis. Remember, the key to relational intimacy is more listening and less talking. If you both commit to listening first and talking second when building intimacy, your relationship will benefit greatly.

3) Inquire Deeply- The point of listening well is to tune in well enough to your partner so you are able to inquire deeply about why, how, when, where and what they are feeling. This allows you to build intimacy and truly connect. The key here is to tune into the emotion and theme of what your partner is saying versus just their words. If you partner feels "resentful" about your betrayal of your goals, it is best to focus on why they feel resentful versus debating the accuracy of their emotions. God always listens to us, even when we are talking crazy. We owe our spouses the same courtesy.

4) Remain Respectful & Take Accountability- The whole purpose of listening attentively and inquiring deeply is so that you can do something about the issue and meet your partner's needs appropriately, in real time. No one wants to hear apoogies and have long conversations that don't lead to lasting change. In fact, that actually destroys trust and decreases communication because what is the point of discussing things that will never be adequately addressed? This is a HUGE relational skill; the ability to own what you do poorly without getting upset and fix it immediately.

5) Stoke the Fire- Just like a fire that has gone low or out, you must consistently stoke the fire in your relationship and marriage in order to successfully reinvogorate it. Get back to doing the things that lead to a strong relationships:

  • dating

  • honoring your spouse's wishes/dreams,

  • actively working to repair what has been damaged consistently

  • vacations

  • reserving mental time for the relationship

  • praying together and going to church

  • being around other positive couples

  • making love (because it feels good again)

There you have it! Now, the challenge is to actually activate your relationship skills to rekindle the spark in your relationship. There is absolutely no point in reading and watching this if you don't apply it. So get to work and let me know how this works. God Bless!


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