Five Tips (Love Hacks) To Improve Your Relationship and Marriage Right Now
What if you could make your marriage or relationship better now?
Would you do it?
Dr. Alduan Tartt, top black psychologist and Christian psychologist, provides five tips (love hacks) based on the research of Dr. Eli Finkel in All or Nothing Marriages that have been proven to improve the quality of your relationship.
1) Touch Your Partner More- The more you touch your partner, the more you make him/her secure in your affection, love and attachment to them. Touch is like water to a plant. You can talk to the plant all day (which is good) but it will eventually need water to flourish. Touch operates the same way. Touch produces the chemical oxytocin which is the "cuddling connection hormone" we all so desperately crave.
2) Don’t Jump To Bad Conclusions- Unhappy couples tend to attribute mistakes to a permanent inner flaw (“S/he doesn’t care about my time”) vs. (" S/he must be really busy at work on something important") as an explanatory style. Now, don't get me wrong, your partner's track record absolutely should matter. It is a mistake to trust and generally untrustworthy person as well as to distrust a generally trustworthy person. In summary, give your partner the benefit of the doubt s/he deserves versus being pessimistic.
3) Picture Fight From the Outside- What would a neutral third party who wants best for both think and do if they observed the conflict? Next, write what s/he would say the valid points are for both sides and then exchange the letter with your partner. This will help you both to see the middle and acknowledge legitimate wants, needs and feelings versus argue against one another.
4) Make a Gratitude List- You may not know it but most spouses, especially men, feel under appreciated in their relationships. Of course wives feel this way too and in big numbers. I was only highlighting how surprising it is that men really get offended by lack of verbal appreciation when they tend to talk less. So, as a couple, make a habit of writing down a few things your partner did to invest in the relationship and tell him/her daily if possible.
Trust me, your spouse needs to hear it and tell them a story about how their investment made you feel.
Don't just say, "I'm grateful for you."
Instead, say "I really appreciate you going to work, even when you are tired and providing for our family. I never have to worry about your work ethic and it helps me to relax. I appreciate you babe."
5) Celebrate Small Victories- Get excited about the small wins of your partner, ask questions so your partner can tell you what happened blow by blow, and be enthusiastic. This is called “capitalization attempt”- and makes your partner feel more joy about their own victories. That is one of the many benefits of marriage...to celebrate life vigorously with one another.
