Making Your Marriage Better: Marital Masters vs. Marital Disasters (The Value of Marriage)
Someone asked me if there was difference between couples who make it versus couples who don’t. My answer was as emphatic YES! In fact, I was so excited that I generated a seven part blog series to highlight and explain key differences. I would love for you to read, discuss with your spouse and implement into your marriage. With divorce rates currently being 50% for first marriages, 65% for second marriages and 75% for three-plus marriages, this information is essential! I want marital success to be a choice not a statistic. I’ll release a new insight each week but here is the first one that immediately came to mind:
1) Marital masters value marriage more. They hold marriage sacred.
What does that mean? Marital Masters value the sacredness and meaning of marriage to the highest degree. For instance, they indicate that a happy marriage is one of their top goals and intentions in life. They value marriage above personal success, fame, power, influence, etc. Quite simply, they put their primary energy on making sure their marriage is sound, fulfilling and being lovers and friends before anything else. Yes, they desire riches, power, influence, etc. too but not at the expense of their marriage.
Marital Disasters did not feel the same way. Usually one spouse values the image of marriage more than the actual quality of marriage. Their top focus is not about the quality of the marriage but more personal success. Sadly, I’ve found that many don’t really believe that happy marriages exist based on their upbringing. Thus, they are more willing to sacrifice the quality of marriage and settle for coexistence. They focus much of their time on gaining success, getting needs met outside of the marriage and still expect the marriage to survive on sloppy seconds.
For instance, Marital Disasters will focus on moving up the career ladder at any cost (excessive travel, long demanding days, ignoring date nights, limited to no quality time) and hope the marriage survives on fumes. Unfortunately, this does not work over time because marriages are built on relationship not success.
Marital Masters will refuse to take a job or build a business that could seriously impair their marriage. Why? They believe in a having a quality marriage and will not sacrifice its quality for mere material gain. Instead of saying the marriage or success, they pray, plan and execute a way to have both success and a healthy marriage. Take Barack and Michelle Obama as a great example. Michelle told Barack that she disliked politics but would support his dream of being President of the United States but under the condition that it was only for a season. The next season would have to be hers after his term was over. Since his presidency, until recently to campaign for Biden, Barack supported Michelle’s book tour, was primary parent with the girls and stayed away from the political limelight so that the marriage could be balanced. They are both wildly successful and so is their marriage.
Contrast that to Trump whose primary focus is on power and control versus building and maintaining a happy marriage.
Moral: When you honor marriage and work together to be successful, you can have it all. If, however, you value success over marriage you will likely achieve success but at the expense of your marriage. Wouldn’t you rather have both? Aim to be Barack not Trump.
How about you? What conversations do you and your spouse have about the value of marriage?