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How To Pick Great Men To Love & Marry: 3 Skills Every Man Must Have To Be A Great Husband

When it comes to dating, your ability to pick great men to date is essential. Your partner can make dating marriage stressful of blissful so you must choose wisely. This is one of the many things we teach single professional women in our Ring Formula Dating Mastercourse & Coaching Program. Our next cohort starts May 14th. We would absolutely love to work with you.

We also teach this at our annual marriage retreat- A Weekend For Love Experience for marriage and engaged couples in Cabo Nov 7-11th. We would absolutely love to host you. Contact for more information.

However, we realize that many men, especially Black men, were not taught how to succeed in relationships and marriage. Likewise, our sisters are not certain what to look for in an ideal husband outside of income, attractiveness, and chemistry. However, the research is clear that all great husbands have three core skills that make their relationships and marriages great.

So, my single and married Queens, when it comes to dating and even marriage, here are the three primary qualities you should be looking for amazing husband.

1.   Trustworthiness (competence- ability to do what you said you would do)

Definition: Trustworthiness refers to the degree to which a partner can be relied upon to be honest, faithful, and consistent in their actions and words. It's about being dependable and keeping one's promises, creating a foundation of security and safety in the relationship.

Importance: Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Gottman's research indicates that trustworthiness is critical for the health and longevity of a relationship. A great husband builds trust through his actions, demonstrating that his partner can rely on him under any circumstances.

Building Trust: Trustworthiness is built over time through consistent actions. It involves being transparent, keeping promises, and showing integrity in both small and significant matters. It also means being honest, even when it's difficult, and working to rebuild trust if it's ever broken.

2. Influenceability

Definition: Influenceability is the willingness to be influenced by one's partner; it's about being open to their thoughts, feelings, and needs, and allowing these to impact one's own actions and decisions.

Importance: Gottman's research highlights that relationships are more successful when men are willing to be influenced by their female partners. This doesn't mean giving in on every issue but rather being open to considering your partner's perspective and finding common ground.

Practicing Influenceability: Being influenceable involves actively listening to your partner, valuing their opinions, and making compromises. It's about recognizing that a relationship is a partnership where both individuals' perspectives and needs are important.

3. Ability to Attune (attunement)

Definition: Attunement is the ability to be present, aware, and responsive to one's partner's emotional needs and states. It involves understanding, empathizing with, and responding appropriately to your partner's feelings and experiences.

Importance: Emotional attunement is crucial for creating a deep and meaningful connection between partners. It allows for effective communication, enhances intimacy, and helps in navigating conflicts in a way that strengthens the relationship.

How to Attune: Attunement requires active listening, empathy, and validation of your partner's feelings. It means paying attention not just to the words being said but also to the emotions behind them. Responding with empathy, support, and understanding, even during disagreements, fosters a deeper emotional connection.


Awareness: Being aware of your partner's emotions, needs, and concerns.

Turning toward: Responding positively to your partner's bids for attention, affection, and support.

Tolerance: Being tolerant of differences in your partner's perspectives and feelings.

Understanding: Making an effort to understand your partner's needs, emotions, and motivations.

Non-defensive listening: Listening to your partner without preparing to defend yourself or counter-attack.

Empathy: Showing empathy towards your partner's feelings and experiences.

Please share this with the wonderful men in your life or require that the future men you date possess or develop these qualities so that you can enjoy an amazing marriage. God Bless!


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