Are You Just Surviving Marriage? | Five Factors To Tell If Your Marriage Can Make It
Why do marriages that were once strong, fall apart all of a sudden?
This video discusses the five things every couple needs to maintain a healthy marriage after saying I do. Marriages can divorce-proof themselves if they are actively aware of the five marriage killers and put in the work to make their marriage better.
Here is a quick summary of each factor:
1) Accommodative Behavior- How willing are you to make special accommodations for your spouse/partner? Are you will to adjust your style, lifestyle or wishes for your spouse evenly?
2) Willingness To Sacrifice- How willing are you to outright sacrifice your needs for your spouse. This is different from being accommodative because, sometimes, marriage requires you to outright give up your needs for various reasons (e.g. medical issues, loss of parent/loved one, unemployment, etc.) to support your spouse.
3) Ability to Forgive- Are you able to talk towards forgiveness versus fight over and over again?
Are you able to create a plan of correction versus simply apologizing over and over again?
Are you able to change the behavior that requires the apology or do you make the same offense over and over again?
It is impossible and unwise to forgive someone who is truly not repentant.
4) Positive Comparison- How does your actual marriage compare to the reality of how you want the marriage to be? Did you imagine that you would have kids, no kids, finances, quality of connection, lovemaking quality, friendship, etc.?
In order for marriages to work, it has to match your wishes and desires to a large extent. Otherwise, you are surviving marriage versus thriving.
5) Do You Have Realistic Hope For The Future?- In psychology, we call this "positive illusion" which basically focuses on what factors you have as a couple that give you realistic hope for staying together.
Do you have a couple trait (willingness to go on annual vacations, marriage retreats, date consistently, set aside quality time) that will protect your marriage?
Do you or your partner have an individual trait (grit, resiliency, ability to cope during duress, optimism) that will help the relationship or marriage endure and grow?