Managing Conflict In Marriage: Should You Speak Up Or Be Quiet?


People think that marriage is easy but you know what...it's not. Actually, it can be really difficult at times. For instance, my wife and I were on opposite ends of the fence about whether to take an extended vacation this year. Initially, I agreed and then changed my mind because I wanted to have it all. I wanted to forego our year end vacation and, instead, spend it with my wife, two girls, friends and family during the Christmas and New Years's Holiday break. My wife wasn't having it!

My Rationale

I have been working so many hours and family is #1 priority for me. So, I wasn't too keen on going out of the country and missing quality time with both girls and the family. Also, I am 30 days out from finishing the biggest project of my career (Fix My Marriage System: 7 Building Blocks to a Strong Godly Marriage) and have business partners relying on me. Going on vacation meant that I would have to do that work outside of my office. Third, we had some financial responsibilities sprung on us in the final hour (the joys of being an entrepreneur) and I wasn't too happy, to say the least. Those things being combined...I thought I had a winning argument.

Mecca's Rationale

Mecca reminded me that I always teach "other" couples that taking care of the marriage is the first priority of maintaining family. She reminded me of who takes care of home the most (clearly my wife) and who takes care of both of our girls, coordinates with both sets of grandparents, cooks, cleans, caters to me and is still an executive. So, basically, the MVP of our marriage was tired and needed the break.

Secondly, she reminded me of my "mad scientist" tendencies where I lose touch with reality when I am in creation and high stress mode. This is true!

Thirdly, she asked me to make a valid argument against why I couldn't bring a laptop to Punta Cana and do one day (that was the max) of work there.

Fourth, she reminded us that both of our girls love their grandparents (both sets), aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and always have fun when we are gone.

The killer point was when she asked me if I cared enough for her to listen to her needs, dreams and desires. What self-respecting husband would say, "No"?

Final Outcome

Obviously, Mecca won because we are clearly NOT in Atlanta, GA in this video but really... WE WON! Mecca was right. I needed this vacation like we need oxygen. Here are the benef