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The Right vs. Wrong Way To Get Over a Breakup or Divorce (7 Stages You Will Go Through)

Title: Navigating the Heartache: A Personal Guide Through the Stages of Grief After a Breakup

I want to talk about something deeply personal and universally human – dealing with a breakup and being confused on how to move forward. For a deep dive into the topic, check this article by Dr. Suzanne Lachmann in Psychology Today. Here is a brief summary about the stages of grief we all go through when dealing with a breakup and/or divorce.

***For resources to help you get over grief and loss specific to osing a loved one, check out

Seven Stages of Breakup Recovery

1. Desperate for Answers: We've all been there, haven't we? That initial stage where our minds are a whirlwind of questions. "Why did this happen?" "What went wrong?" It's like we're trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. You might find yourself replaying conversations, clinging to the good times, and struggling to accept that it's really over. It's okay to feel lost here; it's part of the process.

2. Denial: Denial can be a tricky stage. It's when our hearts refuse to accept what our minds already know. You might catch yourself thinking, "This can't be happening." It's a natural defense mechanism, a way to shield ourselves from the immediate pain of loss. But remember, it's a temporary shelter, not a permanent home.

3. Bargaining: Here's where we start making deals with ourselves or the universe. "I'll change anything if it brings them back." It's a stage filled with 'what ifs' and 'if onlys.' We're trying to regain control in a situation where we feel utterly powerless. But deep down, we know that some things are beyond our control.

4. Relapse: Sometimes, the pain of separation becomes so unbearable that we might find ourselves back in the arms of our ex, even if it's just for a momentary relief from the agony. It's a natural part of the grieving process for many. But often, this stage serves as a stark reminder of why things ended in the first place.

5. Anger: Anger can be a cathartic stage. It's when the sadness begins to make room for a bit of fire. "Why should I suffer because of their decision?" This anger, while intense, is a sign of your evolving emotions. It's a part of reclaiming your sense of self-worth and recognizing that you deserve more.

6. Initial Acceptance: This stage might feel like you're just going through the motions, but it's a significant step. You start to accept the reality of the breakup, not because you want to but because you have to. It's a fragile kind of acceptance, but it's the foundation for the healing that's yet to come.

7. Redirected Hope: Finally, we reach a stage where our hope takes a new shape. Instead of hoping for reconciliation, we start to hope for our own happiness. It's about redirecting our energy from the past to the possibilities of the future. It's not about forgetting the love we had, but about finding new ways to love ourselves and our lives.

Navigating the stages of grief after a breakup is never easy. It's a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Remember, these stages aren't linear; they ebb and flow like the tide. But with each passing day, you're moving forward, even if it doesn't always feel like it. You're not alone in this journey, and there's a whole world of new beginnings waiting for you on the other side of this heartache.

If you're reading this, know that I'm sending you a virtual hug. Breakups can feel like the end of the world, but I promise you, they're not. They're just the start of a new chapter. So, take your time, be kind to yourself, and keep moving forward, one step at a time. I pray this blesses you.


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