How To Stop Relying On Men For Validation & Still Get Chosen For Love (Should You Decenter Men?)
- 6 hours ago
- 2 min read
Let me tell you the truth, because you deserve it straight. Decentering men was supposed to set you free, but somewhere along the way it got twisted. I've watched too many strong, brilliant, faithful women wear themselves out seeking validation from men — waiting on the text, reading into his "potential," letting his approval decide whether you felt like enough — until one day the exhaustion hardened into a wall you called healing.
I understand why. When you've been the loyal one, the one who kept giving away pieces of herself to people who never intended to keep them, armor feels like wisdom. But twenty-eight years in this work has shown me something you need to hear: there is a difference between decentering men in a way that heals you and decentering men in a way that hardens you.
One restores your softness and your self-worth.
The other leaves you protected, but alone.
Real decentering was never about pushing good men away. It's about taking male approval off the throne of your identity and letting God put your worth back where it belongs.
The moment you stop outsourcing your value to a man's attention, everything changes — how you love, who you allow close, and how it feels to simply be you. That's the work and it centers on developing alternative sources of attention before you date exclusively. Specifically, I recommend that you develop at least three quality platonic friendships so you are able to build your self-esteem, multiple paths to attention, having people to spend time with so you can have social connection and a sense of belonging that is separate and rooted away from male validation.
I want to teach you this live and interactively because I love people. Check out my private community, Transforming Circle, so you can enjoy the ideal dating, marriage and emotional wellness life and not have to struggle or stress on your own.
Comments