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Why You Pick The Wrong Partner Again and Again (Three Reasons You Do It & Solutions To Fix It)

Do you know someone who seems to always pick the wrong partner over and over again?

I mean, it's like they date the same bad man or woman over and over again but with different names. It can be downright discouraging and really traumatize your dating life if you are not careful. You deserve better because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to consistently be disappointed in relationships. Let's break down three reasons that people consistently date the wrong partner:

Three Reasons Why You Pick The Wrong Person

1) You are too nice- I get it. You are a nice person. That is a good thing. It only becomes a problem when you are too nice and put yourself in position to be taken advantage of again and again. If you are always the nicer person in every relationship, it means that you pick partners who lean towards possessing the selfish trait. It also, however, it could mean that you don't set strong expectations or standards for how you are treated. In essence, you mute yourself and wonder why your partners can't hear you and ignore your needs.

A great example is negotiating. If someone undervalues their product, most buyers will not correct them because it is a better deal for them. If someone sells a million dollar home for 500K, will you insist on paying a million for it? I bet you won't lol. That's what it is like when you undervalue your own self and are "too nice". You attract people who get more than they give over and over again. Keep your value high so you attract even value in return.

2) You date based on potential versus current talent or skills

I hear this one all of time...he or she has "potential" despite their current behavior. Potential is overrated and will get you in more trouble than it is worth more times than not. In dating, you want to date talent versus potential, especially when dating older, mature men and women. A child should be afforded the grace of potential but fully grown men and women have established behavior patterns that justify how others view them.

For example, the bank deals with clients based on a credit score for a good reason. The credit score tells them that they won't be taken advantage of by people who do not have a good track record of paying their bills. However, if you change your ways, your credit score rises and the bank will treat you accordingly. I think this is a good way to handle dating; date people based on their current talent in making relationships work versus their potential. It will save you a lot of disappointment and attract better quality partners to date.

3) You are attracted to what and who is comfortable even if it is dysfunctional- This one is tricky and too long to get into for one blog. However, beware of being attracted to comfortable dysfunction. Why? It pretty much dooms you into toxic relationships for a lifetime. It's like casting a villain as the hero and being disappointed when you get double crossed. Break free of your dysfunctional past and date people who are stable, loving, considerate and great partners.

Three Solutions To Pick The Right Person In the Present & Future

1) Pace yourself and date slowly- Take your time in dating and delay or eliminate physical sex altogether to protect yourself. Time will reveal a person's true character and you can avoid falling in love too quickly with someone who really is not a good match for you, or worse, not a good person at all. It is hard to break up with someone you are emotionally connected to so delay the process up front to help yourself make wiser decisions.

2) Be your own agent when deciding on an ideal partner-

Agents get the best deal for their clients and help clients to not make emotional decisions in negotiations. Right? So, act as your own agent in screening potential partners. Here's the question... would you refer the person you are dating to your best friend or a loved one as a quality catch? If not, you shouldn't be dating them either. Research shows we make better decisions for others than we do for ourselves when evaluating goods, people, etc. So, pretend like you are your own agent and make the best decision for yourself.

3) Only give your emotional investment after you trust them- Here is the most important thing...reserve your emotional investment until after you already trust the person you are dating. If you fear they may not fall for you as hard as you have fallen, then fall second versus first. Yes, it is possible and necessary if you are always the one falling in love too soon before you see a person's true colors. If you are unsure if you can trust this new date, date them slowly and allow time to reveal how much trust they actually deserve before you give them yours.

Okay, there you go. I hope this helps! If you need more dating supporting visit and invest in dating coaching so I can help you pick the best partner for healthy relationships, lasting love and marriage.


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