Four Biggest Relationship Killers: Part One- Not Dating Enough
I get asked this question every time I do a relationship workshop/seminar. What makes relationships/marriages fail? So, I have put together four concurrent blogs that will discuss the biggest relationship killers and provide solutions on what you can do it about it NOW!
The general rule of thumb is what you did to grow the relationship initially, is what needs to be done to maintain it. Soooo... let me ask you a question: How often do you date? Yes, I said D-A-T-E.
Couples who date together, stay together and the best couples date weekly. Didn't you date weekly or, at least close to it, when you starting getting serious anyway? Of course you did and it worked...obviously if you are in a committed relationship today! Those hours of talking, laughing, having fun, and paying attention to one another are how you connected in the first place, right?
The problem occurs when we become "lazy lovers" and stop dating. We think that relationships/marriages are supposed to feel "good" without putting in any work. How does that make sense? It doesn't.
Love is a verb and you'll need plenty of date action to make your relationship/marriage stand the test of time. What you did last month does not make your partner feel loved this month. If you have ever been married, you can attest to the emotional swings it brings...and at a moment's notice too. You could have made mind-blowing, toe curling, sweat dripping love last night and be fighting over something stupid by breakfast. You don't feel me! I know you do...I was just getting you roused up because it's fun.
Anyway, in order to stay connected, couples must date! Regardless of work, the kids, taking care of mama, etc. your relationship is like a plant and needs consistent water to stay healthy. So, schedule your relationship into your life (crazy we even have to be reminded to do that) and date as close to weekly as possible. Find that babysitter, do lunch in the middle of the workday, work out together, take a walk in the park, go to dinner, tour a museum, go the movies, or even rendezvous at a hotel. What? I thought you were grown. My bad...lol.
According to a book by Dr. Tal Ben Shahar entitled, Happier, he says that going to work and coming home is not enough to make us happy. In order to be happy, he boasts, we must actually do activities that make us happy as much as we can (i.e., go to the gym, go to a concert, sing, dance, date). In essence, we need something to look forward to other than the mundane rat race of work and home.
Sidenote- this is one of the best books I have EVER read in my life!
So, for your relationship to be happier, we must date more because dates make us happy; and happier with one another. Who doesn't want more attention? Whatever we focus our energy on tends to prosper. How is neglecting dating in your relationship/marriage working for you right now?
If you're a husband/man who is not dating your wife, chances are she is not happy and giving you crap about it too. Get rid of that attitude (our mission in marriage) by dating her...all over again every chance you get. Remember...dates make your wife feel romantic again so you will reap the benefits my friend!
Hush! No excuses about bills, time, kids, transportation, weather, etc. They are just that...excuses and won't make you the slightest bit happier in your relationship. You dated despite those issues when you were single and you'll need to do the same if you break up or divorce to get into another relationship anyway. So, why not date the one you are, add some spice to your week, and do something fun for a chance? Pour water on your relationship and do it weekly. Nothing wrong with getting wet...wink.
Couples who date together, stay together! Need some original date ideas, check out this website http://greatdatedeals.com/.